FOX Death On The Nile 2022 Movie Review Finale

It’s The Red Carpet Of Famous Corpses Leaving The Movie!
Movies done. I won’t spoil the end but you might have guessed it by now. Poirot is down to his last suspect interview. His buddy.

In the end it turns out it was a gunshot. Sigh. So much for wondering who poisoned her. Guess that was a bit ambitious. Also explanations about the theft of the necklace.

It was… Poirot’s friend. Who picked it up after he found Linnet dead. He apparently went to tell her about the Husband, found her dead, and pocketed the necklace.

Poirot intends to turn him in at Cairo for theft. But seeing how he’s a good man he will tell Poirot everything. As he apparently knows who the murderer was. As he saw Louise attempting to blackmail the killer.

But the friend is shot dead. Which means no. We can’t get any happy ending here can we. Sigh. Poirot gives chase, and ends up taking possession of the gun held by the killer. A .32 caliber borrowed off another passenger.

Well… Everyone seems well armed. Anyway it’s time. Everyone is brought to the main area of the ship, and Poirot has the crew deal them in. It’s time for the reveal. And the capture of the murderers.

No no. We are not going to have a lynch mob again like Orient Express! But to pull this one off we needed a duet… You probably already know who do no need to say.

It’s a great third and final act. Everyone’s acting is notch on superb. Kenneth Brannagh is the perfect Poirot, the fight enjoyable mix of emotions acted superbly. The ending does not disappoint. Yes it’s not happy. But it’s well done. Right to the fade out…

As it’s revealed that this Poirot is now a fan of American Blues. Awesome. Anyway that’s a good movie… Oh wait. There is one good news! The lesbian couple leaves alive, well, and still together! Yay!

So all in all I enjoyed myself once again. An overall enjoyable entrancing movie from beginning to end. Maybe even better than Orient Express in my opinion. Visually well done… The backdrop of Egypt offering more visually than the Alps before.

Well acted, well written and screenplayed (both the original Agatha Christie book and movie screenplay). Enjoyable throughout, and gives you everything you need to solve the murders. Well done. Another 5 out of 5.

My only regret is that this movie ended its run MAYBE breaking even at the box office. Well… Maybe my endorsement will convince you to buy yourself the trilogy? On DVD or Bluray or Digital? Recommended from me to you.

There is still one more movie to review. 2023’s A Haunting In Venice. As of this review ending I still need to buy the DVD. I’ll do it probably during the summer. With a targeted goal of reviewing it in September after Case Closed Season 5. Stay tuned.

Ok. I’m taking tomorrow off from DVD reviews. Then bouncing back Monday. First we review Case Closed Movie #3… I’ll try not to spoil too much reveals of Season 3 as seen in the movie. Then Season 3 is reviewed! Coming up… Stay tuned.

FOX Death On The Nile 2022 Movie Review Part 4

Who’s Ready To Be Detailed While On A Boat!
Well… Was I right yesterday? Did it till out exactly as I thought it would?… Hey! I, like a broken clock, turn out to be right occasionally.

Not a broken digital clock that’s right never because it’s not displaying anything. But yes. I was spot on. Wow. Amazing. I think I’ll order me some cookies with my restock of cocoa and creamer to celebrate. And Miss Congeniality 2000 on Amazon Prime for $5.

So why was the husband shot in the leg by the ex? To keep him away from Linnet. Last he realized she was dying from a drug overdose or drug poisoning.

Did someone later after the fact go to get room and out a bullet in her head? To dissuade a doctor (who turns out to be Linnet’s own spurned not quite ex lover) from checking her for poison? Yes.

Is there still a chance to uncover that poison? Yes. Fancy ship has giant walk in freezer. Where Linnet is now stowed away. Her body ready for a proper autopsy.

Poirot once again digs in his heels and investigates. The acting and directing chips of Kenneth Brannagh on full power as he weaves masterful scenes as Poirot investigates.

This movie is enjoyable intense with light moments drizzled in to bring a smile to your face. Well crafted by people who know how to make a great mystery. Enjoyable. Which kinda saddens me that this movie only broke even at best.

Not that Disney was going to keep Poirot after acquiring FOX. I feel Brannagh has reached the end of his Poirot journey. But if someone does 20s era movies in an Alternate Reality with Poirot & Katherine? Consider me returning for more.

All the pieces slowly behind to come together, at times colliding with rage filled force, as Linnet’s fear of those around her becomes clear. Crystal even.

Not all on board are evil. Though Poirot’s friends mother is an ass. Turns out Poirot wasn’t on vacation after all. He was investigating the blues duo of mother & daughter for the mom. Too bad for her, they got Poirot’s stamp of approval.

After he pitted the mother to the son revealing her deception, and making sure he knew that the girl he chose is right for him. Awesome. But it does place Poirot in bad with the dsughter… Then…

Oh wait. Other reveals first. The lawyer that got Linnet to sign suspicious papers? Turns out he was stealing from her. Poirot reveals his schemes.

The ship’s doctor? Former man who was in love with Linnet. Is he the killer though? That depends on whether he does the autopsy on her body and reveals the true cause of death.

That 30s era social activist lady with a maid? Turns out her maid is really the lady’s lesbian lover in disguise… Wait. Was this in the original Agatha Christie book? If I go back to 1978 and Peter Ustinof will that also have a lesbian couple?

On Poirot’s orders the crew dredge the Nile. And turn up the gun used to shoot Linnet. The .22. But it turns out that the lawyer didn’t do it… He had his own .45 caliber to kill with… (Though again she didn’t really die from gunshot so doesn’t matter what shot her).

The missing necklace bought at the start of the cruise pops up after supposedly being stolen. That reveals… That leads to the mother’s interference in her son’s love being revealed.

While trying to apologize to the young singer? A very dramatic reveal is made that the body count has been upped to 2. Louise, who found Linnet? And had a story about how Kinney ruined her chance at marriage? Now she’s dead too.

No Time to find a gun to shoot her. She had her throat slit, and tossed into the ship’s paddleboat wheel. To insure she’s found, detailing the investigation.

Or, as I suspect, to keep anyone from doing that autopsy on Linnet. And uncovering her poisoning. Yes I am on a roll with my theory, though I promise not to be killed in this bill if I am wrong.

As the husband of Linnet (present when Poirot revealed him for the scum he is) and the lawyer decide to WWE each other in front of everyone? Poirot… Suddenly realizes they were doing her examination in the room where she was killed.

It looks like we are drawing close to the reveal. With the ship returning to port and Egyptian police come morning? We are just about ready for a reveal. But Poirot doesn’t have all the answers. Yet.

So will I be proven right? Or was it really just a gunshot to the head she slept through… Along with the loud screamy shooting incident that could have some the dead. We shall see.

So I will need sometime to buy A Haunting In Venice to complete our Kenneth Brannagh Poirot trilogy. We will probably get that squared away before year end. Oh well. Stay tuned.

FOX Death On The Nile 2022 Movie Review Part 3

There’s No Escaping Love… Or Ex-Fiancees… Or Death.
The signs grow that it’s going to be Linnet that dies. Even as the gang boards the Nile ship SS Karnak… The Egyptian locale, not the alter ego of Johnny Carson.

As the ship loads up and departs, the ex seemingly left behind, Linnet nevertheless seeks out Poirot. Making sure he’s part of the cruise. Why? Because she has a revelation…

Now, this might be a non surprise to all of us… Yeah it’s a non surprise… But Linnet’s 1930s entourage isn’t exactly filled with worldly philanthropic people! I’m fact there are people ready to kill for her money.

No sooner does Poirot agree to be Linnet’s trusted one plus? He find his black grim reaper suit… And is there as the couple’s lawyer has Linnet sign an entirely new will. Rushing her along…

Yup. Let’s see… Things NOT to do While on a Poirot vacation. Don’t disrupt the harmony of his snack cakes. Don’t fly kites in the pyramids. Don’t sign brand new wills meaning your life is now forfeit… Yeesh.

Oh. We need some happiness. Ok. Turns out Poirot’s buddy is in love with the younger of the mother daughter soul singers brought in from America! He’s worried his mom will not approve…

She probably doesn’t but who cares. At this huge temple dedicated to Rameses II (not the Yurl Brynner version) and his wife (one of eight… OH! So Yurl Brynner’s Rameses didn’t need to stay with what’s her name after Moses killed his entire army! Oh!

Anyway like with Orient Express the visuals are great in this movie. Even moreso here. After all, they’re bringing Late 1930s Egypt to life! These visuals of this huge temple is just awe inspiring.

The cruise stops here as everyone explores the ruins. Plus it’s friend tells his mom he’s in love, and with her kinda sorta blessings he commits to his love. Willing to work hard to make a marriage work. Awww! How beautiful! And her mom approves of him!

Uhh… This is to make up for the sadness to come from the murder right? They’ll actually leave the movie happily ever after right? All this love is reminding Poirot of Katherine so… They’ll be the happy ending for love yes?

Oh. Then while at the temple they scoot off alone, and he’s seconds away from flipping her skirt up and… Sheesh! Rule34 in my Poirot movie?!? Why!!… It’s stopped by someone trying to cause a falling rocks incident.

Is this tied to the ex? Spoiler… She caught up and arrived at the ship just as everyone left. But she hasn’t left the ship since arriving so no… It’s another person in the group.

Sure enough, returning to the ship confirms Linnet’s worst fears. The guy’s ex is here. And she’s now at wits end. Despite that, Poirot tries again to talk some sense into her.

But she is no more willing to give up now than she was when he last spoke to her. Which leads to some powerful acting from Kenneth Brannagh. As he tells us how Katherine died.

His range of acting as Poirot is awesome by the way. From OCD, to straight man, to buddy pal, to angry and even every man relatable. Now his strongest saddest moment.

We find out that Katherine died shortly after the opening scene. She was visiting Poirot in December, just as he was about to be discharged after recovering from his injuries in the front. Killed by a German mortar attack that destroyed her train.

I figured as much. The only way that we can get a Poirot Katherine team up trilogy… Is to set it in an Alternate Reality. I’m cool with Alternate Realities but not many are like me. Sigh. Well… We will always have fan fictions.

Affected harder than she realized by Poirot’s story, the ex tries to get drunk. Only the staff departed the ship for hotels nearby… Apparently there’s no crews left on this ship at nondescript the medical team.

Linnet goes to bed, having taken her sleeping meds already… Yeah I know what your thinking. I think so too. Anyway the guy harasses his ex until she snaps. She shoots him in the leg with her shiny gun.

It’s a large chaotic scene afterwards. Getting the doctor. Salinger frantic ex. Getting the husband cared for… Yes. It’s 1930s ships with little in the way so sound dampening walls… You know what th–

NO NOT THAT RULE34! Sigh. Yes. Linnet doesn’t react to the loud noises and screaming and such. She might already be dead from poisoning. Except someone is going to shoot her and cloud the investigation. Aren’t they.

Morning comes. Who wants to bet Linnet is quite dead. So place your bets. Was she needlessly shot to mask a possible poisoning? Who did it? And will there be any happy endings for anyone in this movie? Stay tuned.

FOX Death On The Nile 2022 Movie Review Part 2

Let’s Go Fly A Suspects… I Mean Father The Kite… I Mean Deadpool & Wolverine’s Newest Trailer Is Awesome.
The suspects are gathered. The likely killers lined up. And Poirot regrets dropping by his favorite nightclub for his favorite desserts. Dammit! He should have kept Dessert #7!

So that guy flying a kite on the pyramids near the Sphinx? He’s a friend of Poirot… Wait… Was he the guy who aided Poirot in Orient Express? He talks about working on a train.

Poirot ends up joining him and his mother as they are involved in the Honeymoon Of The Damned. Aka the happy couple Poirot ran into six weeks ago in the UK.

Only they’re now married. And on their honeymoon. Followed by the cast of suspects who may either love the couple… It want to kill one of them.

Thanks to Poirot’s friend who is a part of this wedding group? He knows all the attendees… Wait… Why are they still here?!? This is supposed to be the Honeymoon!… Oh. Right. Murder.

Also only people written in a late 30s setting Agatha Christie novel would invite both best friends AND potentially hate filled murderers along on the wedding slash honeymoon!

Worse? They have been entouraging behind the couple for awhile now. As we find out as they’re being stalked by… The Groom’s ex. Yes. Apparently he was going to marry another woman before his wife Linnet. Litterly swapped brides mid engagement.

Apparently this woman has been stalking the couple since she was dumped. Her strategy? Prove that the guy still loves her by… Following him, then staring silently at them at every event they go to. Because simply having security toss her is a no no.

Also? Someone in this group is feeding her this info and keeping her close. After all this is the 30s! Nearly a century before Social Media, let alone mobile smartphones was born. She’s being kept in the loop by someone.

Oh. When we first find out they’re married? They meet Poirot for the first time. Despite being in the same nightclub six weeks ago? They didn’t see him. Anyway he saves Linnet from a random Asp.

Hercule Poirot. So he doesn’t stop the Nemean Lions… He does out his cane down and deter random attacking Asps. Also I’m betting this will be Chekov’s Asp and it’ll come up again later.

They want to hire Poirot to investigate the jealous ex fiancee. Poirot tells them point blank that he’s unable to do anything. No crime has been commited. But they insist it’s coming to the point she’ll do something unhinged.

Turns out? They’re not wrong. Deciding to try and rationalize with her himself, Poirot talks to the woman. Only to find a most obsessed woman in terms of convincing the married man to leave his wife for her.

Except we are now left with hints he can’t leave her as she’s the rich one of the marriage. Which leaves open the thought of who is about to die in this movie. I’m betting Linnet as she does seem to be the intersection of Greed Blvd and Psychotic Ovession Street.

We find out she loved that guy since he first met Linnet back in school. When they both were in a production of Anthony & Cleopatra (prequel to the 60s Italian ancient exploitation popcorn muncher movie Herod The Great).

She played Cleopatra… Until Linnet was cast as Cleopatra. They’ve been Ninja High School fighting for the same guy ever since. Ugh.

But that’s not the worse. She decides to show Poirot her contribution to the growing game of Clue going on. Her shiny micro .22 caliber revolver. The so called ladies handgun.

Deciding she’s a genuine threat, Poirot tries to convince the couple to end their honeymoon now. Retreat back to the UK, lock themselves in Linnet’s manor, and have the crazy stalker arrested for trying to kill someone.

Except Poirot’s friend derails it all by listening to the crazy woman, and relocating the Honeymoon onto an Egyptian Nile cruise ship. At behest of said crazy woman. Dressed up as Elizabeth Taylor Cleopatra.

Well. Great. I didn’t know Agatha Christie had an obsession with killing people in Trains & Boats… All we need is a Plane & Bus kill and we complete the circle of public transit kills! I can’t wait for Kenneth Brannagh’s Murder On Pan Am Flight 7 and Death On The London Busline…

So it’s time to see who dies. As the suspects are all crowded on this giant Nile cruise boat… Also? Will Poirot chew his pal a new one for being conned by the crazy woman? Guess we find out… Tomorrow.

I’m pretty sure it won’t be another death by group like last time. We should have just the one killer yes? And probably a hefty larger caliber bullet to kill with than the shiny .22 already seen. See you.

FOX Death On The Nile 2022 Movie Review Part 1

At Last! Katherine!
Remember how we were teased Poirot’s lost love Katherine briefly in Orient Express? Great news! We start the movie with a young Poirot. Fighting on the Western Front of Belgium in 1914.

His keen attention to detail turns what should have been a suicide squad mission into a success. They take over a German trench line thanks to Poirot’s future detective skills.

However his Captain? Completely chuffed by Poirot’s and skills, walks into a German trap to deter soldiers rushing their position, killing him.

We find out that Katherine is a front line nurse Poirot fell in love with. We also learn that she loves him, and nothing will stop her from marrying him…

Sigh. Feels like a sad ending is coming. Also? I’m pretty sure this murder in the movie ties into these events. Otherwise Brannagh heard us fans clamoring for Katherine screen time and voila!

Yes. I’m certain the actress teased in Orient Express reprised her Katherine role for Nile. Sigh. Even if Brannagh as Poirot is done? Id love a trilogy of Alternate Reality movies. Set in the Early 20s. Where Poirot & Katherine solve murders together.

Yes yes. I’m sure that’s not Agatha Christie canon. But I’m dying. I’m willing to bend Canon a lot more now in my dying years. Just seeing her actress have at least one full movie to shine? That’s enough.

So we are now in 1937 London. World War II is but a short distance away. This has Poirot dropping in at the nightclub of a friend to treat himself to a dessert tray after returning from a murder case. A case seemingly done in Egypt.

This whole sequence seems to be here just to introduce the suspects and victim of murder to come. But strike one for this movie? This might club scene drags on seemingly forever!

While our introductions to the suspects in Orient Express flowed better, and felt more natural. We ran into them as Poirot had to board the train to get back to London for an urgent case. This…

I know we are meeting the important figures of the case. But it feels like it’s drawn out. Especially the couple dirty dancing on the floor with the most entertaining music sequence. Yeesh. Eat your heart out Patrick Swayze!

We know a few things from the padding. We know that the young lady who is getting married in Egypt kinda fell hard for her man… Who is probably going to be a jerk or womanizer.

We know she’s friends with Gal Gadot. And she asks her to May be hire her soon to be husband on this important job. We know the husband after meeting with Gadot dances with her. And if we find out they had sex later? Let’s try not to be shocked.

Also. No shock. Poirot is often cut to starring. Apparently absorbing all this info for later. Then he goes super OCD when his dessert tray (with micro bite sized desserts) came as 7, not six! He then sends one ba… NOT THAT ONE! IT’S THE TOP OF HIS PYRAMID!!

So. Like Orient Express he’s OCD again with his food. This time it isn’t mis sized eggs. It’s lining dessert dishes to form a pyramid. Sigh. Anyway six week time jump to Egypt and the Nile.

We already know that Poirot is on vacation. It says so on the back of the DVD case. Great because suddenly there’s no set up. It’s just six weeks later and he’s on vacation.

Irritated by a random person flying a kite while on top of the pyramid behind the Sphinx, we find out that this guy is a friend of Poirot’s. And he will probably aid in the case. Like his other friend did in Orient Express.

So that brings us to Egypt. Tomorrow the case starts promptly as they all get on the Nile cruise ship… And maybe someone dies? We shall see. Tomorrow. See you.

FOX Murder On The Orient Express 2017 Movie Review Part 5

Nine Degrees Of Ratchet Connections…
So we are just about there. We stop just as a pissed off Poirot is about to wrap up the case. And tell us everyone done did it.

So he talks to the Count And Countess. Aka the haters of paparazzi. The Countess? Has the drug used to drug Ratchet. And a ton of psychological trauma.

Why? She’s in actuality related to the Armstrongs. Sister of the dead wife. Ugh. Everyone knows someone who knows the Ratchet victims it seems.

The Green Goblin? He’s actually a Pinkerton Detective who used to be a street cop… Which means he was part of the whole kidnapping investigation as a responding cop.

Oh. I messed up. Poirot’s love was named Catherine. Again is there any past movies (or the TV Series made by Granada aka the Canadian company that made Jeremy Brett Sherlock Holmes) that features her character?

Morning arrives and at last the rescue team is ready to put the Express back on its tracks. And Poirot is ready to reveal the murderer… As the Governess, who once worked for the Armstrongs.

Only he gets shot by the doctor, who is in possession of the Green Goblin’s gun… Yes I forgot his name. Sorry. My head stops functioning at sundown… It might be solar powered.

He tells the Governess to leave. Turns out Doc was associated with Mr. Armstrong. He did this for himself and the Governess who he loves…. Somehow the putting of the train engine back on its tracks leads to a fight for the gun.

Poirot makes it through, and the Doctor is subdued. But by now Poirot finally realized just how many people killed Ratchet. This has stopped being a simple murder. It’s now a lynch mob execution. Not that the man didn’t deserve death. He did.

And so Plot Of tells the train staff and rescue team to stand by. Before the train can be reloaded and depart? He must now reveal the one truth be has discovered after all this time. It’s time to end this mystery.

So all the strings of the case are tied up, and a resolution is finally reached tomorrow. You probably already know how it goes, but Poirot is one angry Belgium person, and he’s going to solve this because it’s been a notch of a case.

We wrap up the movie, then return to my Case Closed Movie bootleg discs for our next Case Closed Movie review. It should be Movie #2… But we shall see. Stay tuned.

FOX Murder On The Orient Express 2017 Movie Review Part 4 (SPOILERS)

OCD AND A Photographic Memory? Awesome!
The investigation of the murder of one Mr Ratchet. Our racist American. But wouldn’t you know it? His son’s go well past being an asshole. Far past.

Poirot goes out to meet the rescue team with the Conductor. Why? Because he needs fire to reveal the contents of the burned letter. This reveal is awesome by thecway. Visually amazing.

People complain about the perceived overuse of CGI in movies, but this one uses the right amount of CGI to bring this story to life with visual beauty. From the locations brought to life in CGI, to scenes like this.

There isn’t much to say about the investigations. You will enjoy it better if you just watched it for yourself. It’s well acted, and filmed in a visually appealing way. Nice.

Suddenly it’s clear that Mr. Ratchet’s sins go well beyond being an insufferable asshole, or stealing Ratchet’s name from Ratchet & Clank. It turns out he’s a man named Cassetti. Guilty of the one true unforgivable sin. Murder.

What started out as a kidnapping of a military man’s young son, snowballed into a string of tragic deaths. After receiving the random he murdered the not be kidnapped.

Need of the murder cause his mother, pregnant with child, to go into premature labor. Both died. The prosecutor of the area tried to frame a fresh maid for the crime. She commuted suicide. He lost his job and fell into debt when the true murderer was revealed.

Revealed, but long since gone. Fled from justice. The murders seemingly ended when a distraught Armstrong killed himself. Until the son of the ruined ex-prosecutor became Ratchet’s accountant & lawyer…

He stole from Ratchet. And no doubt was the inside man that kept the entire League Of Revengers notified as to what Ratchet was up to. Using the Orient Express as the best chance to kill him.

This has yet to be revealed, but having known the ending for awhile makes it all just call into place. As it turns out more and more the people of this train all seem to have links to Ratchet.

Well… Except the dog, the random train staff and crew, and Poirot. But he knows everything about the case because, well, as a great detective he keeps track of all crime. Like Holmes. So yeah.

Everyone is questioned, and slowly but surely it become a a game of 7 Degrees Of Mr. Ratchet. As soon it’s a matter of who doesn’t seem to have some connection to Ratchet or want him dead.

Remember earlier in the movie when Michelle Pfeiffer said someone broke into her room? That was… One of the killers. Dressed in a red kimono hiding the staff uniform he stole. A uniform along with… One of the master keys to the doors.

So yeah. Poirot’s sighting of the night time streaker was supposedly the killer. Or ONE of them at any rate. They find the kimono in Poirot’s luggage. Hidden supposedly to mock Poirot.

The staff jacket and keys? Found in the governess’ bags. Key left with the jacket, no longer of use now that Ratchet was killed. In the jacket they find traces of alcohol. Leading to Ratchet’s assistant.

We have a bit of a chase as he tries to destroy Ratchet’s ledgers and avoid Poirot. Ultimately getting body slammed through the decaying bridge scaffolding the train is perched on precariously, sent to the ground a few feet down. Captured.

In custody he proclaims his innocence, but confessed to stealing from Ratchet. As well as his relation to the former prosecutor of the Armstrong murder case. But he’s not alone.

Sure enough the doctor is touching for his innocence. But as he does maybe it’s dawning on Poirot that this murder is more complicated than it seems.

As if to verify that there is more than one murderer? Someone stabs Michelle Pfeiffer off camera with the knife used to stab Ratchet. And since she was grasping at it after it stabbed her? It explains her finger prints on the murder weapon.

How can you tell she touched it though? Didn’t that knife get passed amongst a lot of people? Isn’t it too loaded with fingerprints to sort out with 30s era police fingerprinting science?

Also if the assistant was the streaker who supposedly killed Ratchet? Then who was holding onto the murder weapon of not him? Again, it should be clear that this murder is multiple choice.

As the case moved on it may finally came in Poirot that this won’t be an easy solve. As a lot of people had motives to kill, the reasons for each slowly being dragged into the light.

So hey. I think you’ll enjoy this movie in your collection. Heck. If you are a perfectionist you might also seek out the Albert Finney & Alfred Molina versions as well. Any Case Closed fan should have room in their crime solving hearts for Agatha Christie. Surely!

Anyway the movie continues tomorrow. See you.

FOX Murder On The Orient Express 2017 Movie Review Part 3 (SPOILERS)

The Well Schemed Plans Of The Angry Mob…
So before we begin there is a long several minute sequence between Poirot and a passenger with a knack for sharing his dessert. You can watch this yourself. It’s long so… Skip.

Suddenly Poirot can’t sleep. Speaking of this scene apparently all the diner car chat with his friend and Mr. Dessert made Poirot think of his lady. And we get to see her via picture he has. Charlotte.

Considering film teams love working in real photos in as props? I wonder… Is this the photo of a past actress who played Charlotte in one of the over dozen Poirot movies? Is she related to Mr. Branagh?

Anyway every time something happens in the car it gets Poirot up. The sleeper car guard establishing the alibi of the kill of our angry gun totting American? Check.

Yeah yeah. First incident has the guy knocking on his door just to get the sign of he’s not dead. Also to get Poirit to check the time in his cabin. After that it’s Dame Judith Densh, then a random Victorian era streaker running away in full clothes…

If you watch enough Victorian era stuff (oh wait. This isn’t Victorian era… The movie is about to date itself shortly)… Anyway if you know the era you know where my bad joke is headed.

So the murder. It already happened under the cover of night. And if everything went off without hindrance then all is well… Except no. The Goddesses of Nature are about to throw a monkey into the plans of the angry mob.

A violent thunderstorm rages in the Alps as they pass through. By the way this movies visual SFXs are awesome. It brings the experience to life so well. Anyway…

A fluke one in a million bolt of lightning seems to bring a mountainside of snow down upon the train. Trapping it. Which means any plans to spirit the body off at the next stop? Dashed.

Poirot, master detective, immediately knows that a cold passenger room (felt from under the door) means a dead passenger. He breaks into the room as the steward fetches the Train Conductor and the Train Physician.

The death piles on more problems for the conductor. With a car full of angry business and rich types, and the rescue team from the next station in its way after the Express failed to arrive? He needs a bright sunny spot to change his dim fortunes. He needs Poirot.

Poirot is reluctant to intervene. He is dead set on taking the last of his rapidly fleeing holiday. But the conductor talks him into it. Finding out that all the cars were locked down when it was sleep time, he deduces he can work with the conductor.

Why? Because he was asleep in a different car. That’s why. Also the cars were locked down? That doesn’t explain the random streaker that seemingly left the car during the night… Ehh…

So it seems to be a baffler, but I’ll spoil it. The body seemingly was torn up by a killer who frantically stabbed the guy a dozen times to death. Except it seems it could just as well been a lynch mob.

One killer making a dozen angry stabs. Or a group of people taking turns to stab him like he was a under pinata. The latter happened by the way just so we are clear on this.

He was drugged to keep him from resisting, or shooting anyone with his gun. It explains the constant door opening and closing that kept Poirot up all night. And means the car security was involved. Questioning the man’s assistant proves he was hated by many.

From the assistant he gets some random hate mail made to throw any investigation off track. Investigating the car reveals the drugging, and the fact the victim was capable of self defense with his gun.

It also shows that a group did it. Because they ended up cluttering the room with random nonsense to aim suspicion at… Anyone maybe. But all these attempts fail with Poirot’s OCD.

Oh wait. The Time period. We find out that the assistant of this guy was hired by him as he fell into hard times. Having gone into debt becoming an Ex-Pat and fleeing America during Prohibition so he could stay a drunk…

So this movie is set between Prohibition and World War II. Same as Death On The Nile. Only A Haunting In Venice takes place after World War II. I’m sure other versions are set in the Victorian Era. Like the Albert Finney & Alfred Molina versions.

Oh. One possible clue. Ashes in the dead man’s ashtray. Meaning something was burned. Probably the vote by the mob as to whether or not to kill the angry evil well armed American. But we shall see…

Anyway the rescue team has arrived, and it’s time to let them know there is a dead man on the train. Anyway the investigation continues tomorrow as we continue Orient Express. See you.

FOX Murder On The Orient Express 2017 Movie Review Part 2

Into The Alps We Go!
Well it looks like the fix is in. This train has every upsetting personality imaginable as well as lovely ladies (Michelle Pfeiffer). Anyway we can’t even pull out of Istanbul without problens.

Let’s see… There seems to be a well known man who hates paparazzi on the train. And yes. Even back in this age paparazzi seems to exist. Go figure.

I like how our celebrity is so intimidating the camera guy smashes his own camera rather than upset him. Nice. Kinda funny too.

We have what seems to be a hit man or assassin in the train? Hired by one of the passengers to do… Something? Not a Ghoul though. But timely. This movie loves playing Fallout music…

And Fallout Season 1 is a resounding success. Hmm… Guess I’ll buy the Season 1 DVD when I can. I’m already watching it because Amazon Prime so… Go figure. It’s enjoyably well made.

Getting the OCD Belgium detective on the Orient Express may not be as easy as one might think. It’s booked solid. Luckily someone fails to arrive to the train, and Poirot is out in his spot on the train.

Yeah yeah. This missing person is going to be part of the whole mystery on the train isn’t he. Well that gets Poirot on. And lucky him! He gets to talk to hot Victorian Era Cougar Michelle Pfeiffer… Cougar? I thought she was a Catwoman… Sorry.

Let’s see. Adding to the uncomfortable pile? Johnny Depp seems to be playing a crazy American with a gun fetish. After all he walked into the Orient Express armed, and threatens staff to do his bidding. Urgh. Very reassuring.

But why stop there. Michelle Pfeiffer seems to know the celebrity guy. And during first meal out (traversing the Alps) she has a run in with the most racist scientist in all of Eurasia!… Yup. So far out possible kill list is Armed Johnny Depp, and Racist White Tweed Guy. Great.

Yeah. If I remember right the only riddle is finding a bit guilty person in this movie… Ugh… Speaking of guilty?? Why did they make Dame Judith Densh’s character a crazy Basic Fur Fan??

On the bright side? I found out one guiltless passenger! The dog! It’s gotta be the dog… Right? Agatha Christie wouldn’t have a Basic Dog join the parade of the guilty would she?… Right??

Hey. Why is Poirot interested in Michelle Pfeiffer’s cougar lady? He does seem to wave and say hi to her alot. Also the movie hints at a past love in Poirot’s life that ended badly… I wonder if there is a movie out there telling this story?

Anyway we are traveling through the Alps. We have people performing some kind of business in thevtrain. We have an armed American in Johnny Depp. And a racist guy too. All as we move towards that death… The hallmark of Murder On The Orient Express. The actual murder.

We continue onwards tomorrow. Maybe someone will have died by tomorrow’s review. We shall see. Stay tuned.

FOX Murder On The Orient Express 2017 Movie Review Part 1

Even In Jerusalem, One Truth Prevails
Welcome to the other side of the world, and our other master detective for April Madness. Hercule Poirot. As portrayed by Kenneth Branagh.

Despite appearing as Mr. Monopoly in the Believer trailer? I’m glad to say his Poirot is enjoyable to watch in action. He does the role well, and it will be sad to see the movies end at Venice.

So let’s see. Like any big classic Detective, Poirot has his flaws. While Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes indulged in cocaine to subdue the doldrums of everyday life? Poirot seems to be… OCD.

A detective that is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder suffering? Yeah. That might be unique. But Poirot is insufferably a perfectionist to a fault. But it’s this hatred of imperfection that makes him so damn good at his profession.

While in Jerusalem, harassing a local restaurant over the perfect poached eggs, he’s brought in to solve a crime that sounds like it should be set in a bar. If not for the suspects being holy men.

A Christian Priest, a Jewish Rabbi, and a Islamic Iman. Brought together to settle usage of the area near the sacred Wailing Wall for market useage, are the only suspects in the theft of a rare religious artifact.

Showing off his Monk levels of forward thinking, Poirot is quite entertaining as he solved the case in record time. While sending a guard to block the one exit from the Wailing Wall… And place a little highly visible trap for the guilty.

Yeah. This is easy. All three men have no reason to steal a holy artifact. Not even the Christian because he’s not a radical Evangelical Christian looking to start a holy war.

No. The three men negotiated under the watchful gazebo the local area foreign police Captain, and he was the one who took the opportunity to help himself to the artifact. Don’t be know the local authorities kill infidels who steal religious artifacts?!?

He tries to run, but forgets Poirot already locked the area down AND laid an easily avoided trap… That the Captain find into full bore knocking himself out. Case Closed.

Deciding to take time off from his detective work, and being on call by British police for solving their crimes… And because he fears a Case he consulted on is coming to drag him back to the UK… Poirot decides to go on holiday.

Funny. The other movie we are Going to review, Death On The Nile, also has Poirot trying to be on Holiday. But hey. This guy loves his well made good stuffs. So he’s a guy after my own heart.

While waiting to board the ferry to Istanbul (not Constantinople) we meet the First two suspects in the Murder to come. A doctor and a governess. Sadly they trade right off the bat on the trip over that they have some fire business ahead of them.

Ugh. This is a good movie but having already known the solution for awhile now? This foreshadowing just reminds me of the puzzle to come… And maybe the not so satisfying end to it. But we will get there soon enough.

Though when he’s talking to the Governess I do like the joke he makes about not being the one that says the lions… Or just the one Nemean Lion. Because people mispronounce Hercule as Hercules.

For all intents and purposes? Poirot shouldn’t even be in that train when it leaves. His plan is to stay in Istanbul. After all he’s friends with the best baker in all of Istanbul. His plan was to set up in town, eat daily at his friend’s business, and indulge in sightseeing.

However Poirot’s Holmes kicks in, and he’s quite upset when a man from the British Consulate in Istanbul arrives for him. He already knows why he’s there. The case he consulted on? Just took a dreadful turn. As he knew it would.

Luckily he runs into a friend from his British detective says and his lovely female companion. They’re heading his way, so he asks his friend to hook him up with a ticket on the Orient Express.

Next stop? France. Then a boat trip across the English Channel to Scotland Yard and more work. But first… The little matter of murder in the fight confined of a train. Well… At least it’s not Snowpiercer-1.

So that’s where we begin next time. A lovely iconic train ride across the Middle East & Europe. Into the alps… And carrying Catwoman, the Green Goblin, and that Jack Sparrow guy. Tomorrow.

Let’s see. Visually this is a beautiful movie. Well written, well acted, and overall enjoyable to watch. Nice. Makes me wonder why Death In The Nile barely broke even but… That’s coming later this month. Guess we will find out together. Stay tuned.