FOX Murder On The Orient Express 2017 Movie Review Part 4 (SPOILERS)

OCD AND A Photographic Memory? Awesome!
The investigation of the murder of one Mr Ratchet. Our racist American. But wouldn’t you know it? His son’s go well past being an asshole. Far past.

Poirot goes out to meet the rescue team with the Conductor. Why? Because he needs fire to reveal the contents of the burned letter. This reveal is awesome by thecway. Visually amazing.

People complain about the perceived overuse of CGI in movies, but this one uses the right amount of CGI to bring this story to life with visual beauty. From the locations brought to life in CGI, to scenes like this.

There isn’t much to say about the investigations. You will enjoy it better if you just watched it for yourself. It’s well acted, and filmed in a visually appealing way. Nice.

Suddenly it’s clear that Mr. Ratchet’s sins go well beyond being an insufferable asshole, or stealing Ratchet’s name from Ratchet & Clank. It turns out he’s a man named Cassetti. Guilty of the one true unforgivable sin. Murder.

What started out as a kidnapping of a military man’s young son, snowballed into a string of tragic deaths. After receiving the random he murdered the not be kidnapped.

Need of the murder cause his mother, pregnant with child, to go into premature labor. Both died. The prosecutor of the area tried to frame a fresh maid for the crime. She commuted suicide. He lost his job and fell into debt when the true murderer was revealed.

Revealed, but long since gone. Fled from justice. The murders seemingly ended when a distraught Armstrong killed himself. Until the son of the ruined ex-prosecutor became Ratchet’s accountant & lawyer…

He stole from Ratchet. And no doubt was the inside man that kept the entire League Of Revengers notified as to what Ratchet was up to. Using the Orient Express as the best chance to kill him.

This has yet to be revealed, but having known the ending for awhile makes it all just call into place. As it turns out more and more the people of this train all seem to have links to Ratchet.

Well… Except the dog, the random train staff and crew, and Poirot. But he knows everything about the case because, well, as a great detective he keeps track of all crime. Like Holmes. So yeah.

Everyone is questioned, and slowly but surely it become a a game of 7 Degrees Of Mr. Ratchet. As soon it’s a matter of who doesn’t seem to have some connection to Ratchet or want him dead.

Remember earlier in the movie when Michelle Pfeiffer said someone broke into her room? That was… One of the killers. Dressed in a red kimono hiding the staff uniform he stole. A uniform along with… One of the master keys to the doors.

So yeah. Poirot’s sighting of the night time streaker was supposedly the killer. Or ONE of them at any rate. They find the kimono in Poirot’s luggage. Hidden supposedly to mock Poirot.

The staff jacket and keys? Found in the governess’ bags. Key left with the jacket, no longer of use now that Ratchet was killed. In the jacket they find traces of alcohol. Leading to Ratchet’s assistant.

We have a bit of a chase as he tries to destroy Ratchet’s ledgers and avoid Poirot. Ultimately getting body slammed through the decaying bridge scaffolding the train is perched on precariously, sent to the ground a few feet down. Captured.

In custody he proclaims his innocence, but confessed to stealing from Ratchet. As well as his relation to the former prosecutor of the Armstrong murder case. But he’s not alone.

Sure enough the doctor is touching for his innocence. But as he does maybe it’s dawning on Poirot that this murder is more complicated than it seems.

As if to verify that there is more than one murderer? Someone stabs Michelle Pfeiffer off camera with the knife used to stab Ratchet. And since she was grasping at it after it stabbed her? It explains her finger prints on the murder weapon.

How can you tell she touched it though? Didn’t that knife get passed amongst a lot of people? Isn’t it too loaded with fingerprints to sort out with 30s era police fingerprinting science?

Also if the assistant was the streaker who supposedly killed Ratchet? Then who was holding onto the murder weapon of not him? Again, it should be clear that this murder is multiple choice.

As the case moved on it may finally came in Poirot that this won’t be an easy solve. As a lot of people had motives to kill, the reasons for each slowly being dragged into the light.

So hey. I think you’ll enjoy this movie in your collection. Heck. If you are a perfectionist you might also seek out the Albert Finney & Alfred Molina versions as well. Any Case Closed fan should have room in their crime solving hearts for Agatha Christie. Surely!

Anyway the movie continues tomorrow. See you.

FOX Murder On The Orient Express 2017 Movie Review Part 2

Into The Alps We Go!
Well it looks like the fix is in. This train has every upsetting personality imaginable as well as lovely ladies (Michelle Pfeiffer). Anyway we can’t even pull out of Istanbul without problens.

Let’s see… There seems to be a well known man who hates paparazzi on the train. And yes. Even back in this age paparazzi seems to exist. Go figure.

I like how our celebrity is so intimidating the camera guy smashes his own camera rather than upset him. Nice. Kinda funny too.

We have what seems to be a hit man or assassin in the train? Hired by one of the passengers to do… Something? Not a Ghoul though. But timely. This movie loves playing Fallout music…

And Fallout Season 1 is a resounding success. Hmm… Guess I’ll buy the Season 1 DVD when I can. I’m already watching it because Amazon Prime so… Go figure. It’s enjoyably well made.

Getting the OCD Belgium detective on the Orient Express may not be as easy as one might think. It’s booked solid. Luckily someone fails to arrive to the train, and Poirot is out in his spot on the train.

Yeah yeah. This missing person is going to be part of the whole mystery on the train isn’t he. Well that gets Poirot on. And lucky him! He gets to talk to hot Victorian Era Cougar Michelle Pfeiffer… Cougar? I thought she was a Catwoman… Sorry.

Let’s see. Adding to the uncomfortable pile? Johnny Depp seems to be playing a crazy American with a gun fetish. After all he walked into the Orient Express armed, and threatens staff to do his bidding. Urgh. Very reassuring.

But why stop there. Michelle Pfeiffer seems to know the celebrity guy. And during first meal out (traversing the Alps) she has a run in with the most racist scientist in all of Eurasia!… Yup. So far out possible kill list is Armed Johnny Depp, and Racist White Tweed Guy. Great.

Yeah. If I remember right the only riddle is finding a bit guilty person in this movie… Ugh… Speaking of guilty?? Why did they make Dame Judith Densh’s character a crazy Basic Fur Fan??

On the bright side? I found out one guiltless passenger! The dog! It’s gotta be the dog… Right? Agatha Christie wouldn’t have a Basic Dog join the parade of the guilty would she?… Right??

Hey. Why is Poirot interested in Michelle Pfeiffer’s cougar lady? He does seem to wave and say hi to her alot. Also the movie hints at a past love in Poirot’s life that ended badly… I wonder if there is a movie out there telling this story?

Anyway we are traveling through the Alps. We have people performing some kind of business in thevtrain. We have an armed American in Johnny Depp. And a racist guy too. All as we move towards that death… The hallmark of Murder On The Orient Express. The actual murder.

We continue onwards tomorrow. Maybe someone will have died by tomorrow’s review. We shall see. Stay tuned.

FOX Murder On The Orient Express 2017 Movie Review Part 1

Even In Jerusalem, One Truth Prevails
Welcome to the other side of the world, and our other master detective for April Madness. Hercule Poirot. As portrayed by Kenneth Branagh.

Despite appearing as Mr. Monopoly in the Believer trailer? I’m glad to say his Poirot is enjoyable to watch in action. He does the role well, and it will be sad to see the movies end at Venice.

So let’s see. Like any big classic Detective, Poirot has his flaws. While Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes indulged in cocaine to subdue the doldrums of everyday life? Poirot seems to be… OCD.

A detective that is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder suffering? Yeah. That might be unique. But Poirot is insufferably a perfectionist to a fault. But it’s this hatred of imperfection that makes him so damn good at his profession.

While in Jerusalem, harassing a local restaurant over the perfect poached eggs, he’s brought in to solve a crime that sounds like it should be set in a bar. If not for the suspects being holy men.

A Christian Priest, a Jewish Rabbi, and a Islamic Iman. Brought together to settle usage of the area near the sacred Wailing Wall for market useage, are the only suspects in the theft of a rare religious artifact.

Showing off his Monk levels of forward thinking, Poirot is quite entertaining as he solved the case in record time. While sending a guard to block the one exit from the Wailing Wall… And place a little highly visible trap for the guilty.

Yeah. This is easy. All three men have no reason to steal a holy artifact. Not even the Christian because he’s not a radical Evangelical Christian looking to start a holy war.

No. The three men negotiated under the watchful gazebo the local area foreign police Captain, and he was the one who took the opportunity to help himself to the artifact. Don’t be know the local authorities kill infidels who steal religious artifacts?!?

He tries to run, but forgets Poirot already locked the area down AND laid an easily avoided trap… That the Captain find into full bore knocking himself out. Case Closed.

Deciding to take time off from his detective work, and being on call by British police for solving their crimes… And because he fears a Case he consulted on is coming to drag him back to the UK… Poirot decides to go on holiday.

Funny. The other movie we are Going to review, Death On The Nile, also has Poirot trying to be on Holiday. But hey. This guy loves his well made good stuffs. So he’s a guy after my own heart.

While waiting to board the ferry to Istanbul (not Constantinople) we meet the First two suspects in the Murder to come. A doctor and a governess. Sadly they trade right off the bat on the trip over that they have some fire business ahead of them.

Ugh. This is a good movie but having already known the solution for awhile now? This foreshadowing just reminds me of the puzzle to come… And maybe the not so satisfying end to it. But we will get there soon enough.

Though when he’s talking to the Governess I do like the joke he makes about not being the one that says the lions… Or just the one Nemean Lion. Because people mispronounce Hercule as Hercules.

For all intents and purposes? Poirot shouldn’t even be in that train when it leaves. His plan is to stay in Istanbul. After all he’s friends with the best baker in all of Istanbul. His plan was to set up in town, eat daily at his friend’s business, and indulge in sightseeing.

However Poirot’s Holmes kicks in, and he’s quite upset when a man from the British Consulate in Istanbul arrives for him. He already knows why he’s there. The case he consulted on? Just took a dreadful turn. As he knew it would.

Luckily he runs into a friend from his British detective says and his lovely female companion. They’re heading his way, so he asks his friend to hook him up with a ticket on the Orient Express.

Next stop? France. Then a boat trip across the English Channel to Scotland Yard and more work. But first… The little matter of murder in the fight confined of a train. Well… At least it’s not Snowpiercer-1.

So that’s where we begin next time. A lovely iconic train ride across the Middle East & Europe. Into the alps… And carrying Catwoman, the Green Goblin, and that Jack Sparrow guy. Tomorrow.

Let’s see. Visually this is a beautiful movie. Well written, well acted, and overall enjoyable to watch. Nice. Makes me wonder why Death In The Nile barely broke even but… That’s coming later this month. Guess we will find out together. Stay tuned.

TOHO/WB/MadMan JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures 2017 Diamond Is Unbreakable Movie Review Finale Part 4

The Review Is Ready To End It All… Except…

So let’s try to spin through this last part as quickly as possible. There is no real reason to dissect the end to any great degree. It’ll still get a great score from me regardless… that and…

Sigh. SPOILER. Sequel Baiting at the end. Guess this means I’ll need to go and hunt down another movie… was there another movie? Or maybe there WILL be another movie… after all are are halfway to the 40th Anniversary so…

JoJo gets shot up by the Arrow Bearer, all to get his brother out of harms way and save him before he dies. He won’t help JoJo beat his own brother, but he will kinda stay out of his way as well… I guess.

So JoJo goes and risks a lot to save Koisei, reviving him. And it looks like maybe the brother did help enough to end the fight… or not. Why? Well suddenly toy helicopters, with living toy soliders arrive, and thanks… and Koisei can see them.

So it looks like the Arrow Bearer’s power is to create… an entire militia of soliders from Toy Story. Does this mean his former mentor was Tim Allen? Tom Hanks? Or is he just obsessed with military toys? And this is quite the impressive fight.

No seriously. I know. You think this will degrade into Toy Soldiers level goofy, but the effects of the mini military is well done, and the little toy sholdiers movements I’m pretty sure was motion captured real actors so that really looks good. Add that to the tall ice cream sundae that is the perfection of this movie.

So it seems, well, now that Koisei can see Stands? He is now a Stand user. And that… is bad. Why? Because the movie slowly painfully down at this point… my one diss of this movie… just to stretch out the long time it takes for Koisei to figure out his Stand powers. First he creates an egg, then JoJo needs to be nearly killed before he finally gets the egg to hatch.

The power that comes from the egg is… still young yet. So that own’t save the day. Even as JoJo is pretty shot up and drained from all the toy soldiers and tanks and Apache helicopters attaciking him. Except he’s been working his way to a stunning Captain Kirk level turnabout.

Up until now we know that the Stand army under the power of the Arrow Bearer cannot lose control of his own army. His army cannot stop, nor can they be turned against each other and attack each other. Soldiers, vehicles, weapons… and that is the key to victory.

Seemingly using his stand (Shining Diamond) to punch missiles out of the air in a last ditch effort to survive, all JoJo now has to do is use his power to restore the missiles his Stand destroyed, and control them.

How is this effective? Well remember… the mini army cannot destroy each other, and that includes their own missiles. So they will stand by as JoJo uses their own missiles on the Arrow Bearer, seemingly defeating him. Making his Stand army vanish.

However its far from over. He retreats upstairs, and we find out this property is… his home. The Arrow Bearer. And upstairs is… the brother’s father. Turned into some form of monster by some power… the arrow.

And so we finally find out why this guy has been going about creating Stands. All in an attempt to find the one Stand who has the power to… kill his father, and give him a humane death. And that, it seems, is why so many people had to do over all the years… so that the bother’s father can die.

Why? Because he thinks that his father, in his form, cannot remember them anymore. But all JoJo has to do is restore a picture of their family, including the man’s dead wife, in order to prove that even as this monster he has never forgotten his family. Which is sad since, in this form, he cannot die. And is seemingly forever trapped.

However JoJo wants to save him, restore his humanity. Being the kind person he is. He offers to help the brothers, in exchange for ending this mandness and destroying the arrow. The bearer refuses, and disowns his own brother. And that is… when the Sequel Baiting begins.

Suddenly a new Stand enters the scene, a strange death toy car. It tries to attack the brother but the Arrow Bearer saves him. And ends up taking the thing into itself. The Stand manifests as a death’s head sticking out of his mouth, before blowing up killing him (and destroying the arrow and bow).

And that is that. The brother died, but JoJo’s offer to save the father stands and he will do it with the remaining brother. But now they know another Stand wielder is out there, and JoJo surmises that their paths will cross. So he tells Other Jo (as opposed to Other Joe) that he’s decided to honor his dead grandfather by being this city’s new protector. In his honor.

The movie ends with the movie basically pointing that the girl Koisei met back at the start of the movie? The crazy one I called KoKo? Odds are SHE is the new Stand wielder, who will be the villain of the second movie. And… not quite yet the end.

In a post credit scene, we see the movie further tease that (well) despite having his hand (and Stand power) sealed away in unbreakable diamond by JoJo? It looks like the killer from this movie is still at large, and still killing.

And that is the end of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures Diamond Is Unbreakable 2017. Overall it was an enjoyably fun movie. The effects were actually far better than I would have thought from TOHO. Maybe the fact this was the 30th Anniversary of the series, and that it’s such a high end popular series? Maybe that compelled them to make such a good movie.

But it’s well worth owning, and well worth watching. Past trailers and maybe the trailer for this movie as an extra? There isn’t even a menu to turn on captions or different languages for this movie. Sad. This movie is a 30th Anniversary movie but it has so little bells and whistles. Maybe the 40th Anniversary re-release will change all that.

As for a sequel? This movie teases a sequel at the end, but I don’t know. I guess I will search for a sequel and see if we can watch another JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures movie in 2023. In anycase, this movie gets a surprisingly enjoyable 5 Toy Story Rambo references out of 5. I hope there was a sequel, they hyped it a little at the end… let’s see what comes of it, shall we? And here’s to hoping there’s something big for the 40th Anniversary come 2027.

Next up? Well it’s the end of the year. Does this mean I have to go over EVERYTHING on my plate from last month? Let’s see… Yes to Witchblade live action and Anime! Wait till January to go back to Blade the Boredom. The jury is still out on if I want to sit through another disc of Powers this month or just get back to it next month.

So I have the end of the year to go through… I think I’ll try to work in some different things I’ve been meaning to review, and end the year. We’ll see. As for Start of the Month Live Action Anime Review for January? Let’s keep up the positive vibes, and review the rare Western release of an Anime adaptation people actually loved.

So, from 2018 or so? We have the movie that a certain James Cameron was dreaming of making forever… now he just needs to help kickstart it’s damn sequel already. Starting in the new year it’s Alita Battle Angel. The Review. See you then!

TOHO/WB/MadMan JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures 2017 Diamond Is Unbreakable Movie Review Part 3

This Review Is Heading To The Finale!

So yeah. This is a very enjoyably good movie. I can see now why it was top of the list of Anime/Manga adaptations into live action I looked at sometime ago. Anyway let’s see where we are now.

The Killer’s Stand. Yeah, now we see that this thing it uses for remote kills is its Stand, finally appears. But first it needs to get out of it’s confinement.

JoJo wanders off at a plot convenient moment, just as Grandfather returns looking for… booze. Of course he is. And thus we find out that, well, since this Stand is water based? It can… disguise itself as alcohol, create it’s own alcohol label, and probably do its own self marketing. Yeesh.

By the time JoJo realizes that the bottle is missing? It’s too late, Grandfather has drunk it and is dead. JoJo restores the body to full health but… ok this I don’t get, but somehow nothing JoJo can do will save his grandfather. He restored the body to full health, yet he still dies.

So I guess that clears up something. He can restore things. People, bikes, stuff. He can’t bend time or space. So… I guess that makes sense. He has, what the guy in the Jo hat calls the kindest powers of any Stand. But… once a person dies he cannot restore life to them.

I guess that was foreshadowed during the Stand fight with the Water Elemental’s Stand. Because he asked JoJo if he could restore his own life if he was killed, and he said no. So he simply figured out that JoJo can save lives… but only if htey are still alive when he resetores them to full health.

The battle with the Water Stand is nicely done. It uses several techniques like flooding the kitchen area with water, turning itself into steam to be inhaled, and finally using vapor mist in JoJo’s mom’s room to finally be able to get into JoJo.

Which is it’s defeat. JoJo somehow managed to swallow a rubber glove before retreating into his mom’s room, thus when the Stand jumped into him to kill him in liquid form… it found itself trapped in the glove.

So we are slowly but surely running out ot time, so we have a heavily emotional moment where JoJo tries to wake up grandfather now that the fight is over… only to realize he’s dead. Very emotional moment, showcases the acting chops on the guy they picked for JoJo. Great casting choice. But his emotional moment is far from done.

We have the two easily track down the Water Elemental’s true body, upon which JoJo kinda lets all his anger out about his grandfather’s death upon him by pretty much repeatedly body slamming him, using the Stand in his hand (in said rubber glove) as the tool to torture the killer with.

In a most Alan Moore move ever, the killer suddenly becries like the Joker and claims that JoJo can’t kill him. Even though he’s killed countless people, and is a cold blooded murderer… JoJo still can’t kill him. Yeah. He’s going to regret not letting JoJo kill him.

But JoJo won’t kill him. No. He won’t let the Japanese Government kill him. Nor will he let them imprison him. What does he do? He imprisonsons his Stand… I wonder… maybe even the killer himself? In unbreakable diamond. Hence the title of the movie, Diamond Is Unbreakable. The punishment of this kille rwho murdered JoJo’s grandfather.

We have the funeral, but before that we have JoJo’s mother talk to him about grandfather. Another touching moment. Again shows off the great casting in the woman who play’s the mother. Well casted, as well casted as the grandfather and… well… everyone.

At the funeral JoJo senses the punk guy Koisei ran into earlier, the one that made that girl he was ansewring to run away. He lures JoJo (and the newly arrived Koisei) into a sealed off graveyard mansion… is this the house where the last murder victims were killed by that killer 10 years ago? But wait the mom said it happened 18 years ago… what?

Ok let’s sum up. He turns out to the acolyte of the Arrow bearer. Who shoots Koisei with the Arrow. Leading to a fight between JoJo’s Stand, and this punk’s Stand… and his power to erase things from existence. Which seems like a hard fight, but JoJo eventually ends up besting him.

He goes to save Koisei, but during the fight the Arrow bearer snuck down and dragged off Koisei’s bleeding dying body. Chasing him and Koisei inside, he confronts the Arrow bearer, who retrieves his cursed arrow from Koisei, declaring him unworthy to become a Stand.

Funny. We already know not every Stand is created by the Arrow so… he might yet become a Stand. Even as he dies. However it’s now time for the final battle between JoJo and the Arrow bearer… except his Acolyte, the punk, is not yet done… no wait. He’s done.

He tells the Bearer not to shoot just yet, because he has unfinished business. Oh. Really. Well that ruined the Bearer’s surprise attack giving JoJo ample time to get out of his way as he opens fire with a common everyday automatic. Killing his own Acolyte in the process.

As we head for tomorrow’s review, it’s now JoJo versus the Arrow Bearer. Now armed with an automatic weapon, and no concern for even his own chosen. How will this fight play out? Will that lady we saw like twice already show up and fulfill her promise to be Koisei’s bodyguard? And how will this all end? Guess we will see when we hit Part 4… tomorrow.

TOHO/WB/MadMan JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures Diamond Is Unbreakable 2017 Movie Review Part 2

This Review Is Not Ready For The Running Themes Of This Movie

This movie, as of this review, seems to have some clear running themes. Which I am sure is also prevelant in the series itself. But since I don’t know much about the core series? I’ll just have to trust what I learn in this movie.

So past the obvious theme (JoJo’s entourage of girls loves his hair?) what other themes are there? Well there is the one I noted off the bat. And that is if you do not fit whatever the powers of the Arrow is trying to do to you? You die. Or you die just because.

Case in point the Arrow bearer himself. We see him trying to convert another person into an Elemental with the Arrow. Only now we find out what the criteria is for the Arrow to make the conversion. Hate. Apparently unless the person’s hate is sufficient enough to revive the target? They die from the Arrow.

Thus is the case with an angry member of Japan’s Office Culture, discarded by his business and quite angry… but not angry enough to survive conversion by the Arrow. Oh well. I guess this scene with the bearer trying to make a new Elemental from an angry former Office Culture Wage Slave? It’s to prove that not everyone is cut to be a monster. I guess.

So let’s see… we already know that JoJo’s grandfather is the cop who led the charge that stopped the killer 10 years ago from completing his string of murders he was building up… except how? After his conversion into the Water Elemental he escaped from the police, so I guess he continued killing.

Unless grandfather reported him as dead, and his kill count stopped then and there. Which explains why, in the here and now, he is now looking to kill grandfather and his family. Which consists of his daughter, JoJo’s mom, and JoJo. Unaware of his powers.

So yeah. The one who grumbled that JoJo interfered? Was the Arrow bearer. Not the killer. Because he still seemingly is unaware. Or if it was him… why did he think he could try to kill the family without running into him again. Unless he didn’t make the connection between that guy who interfered and JoJo being part of the family he’s targeting.

Plot convenience. Makes slight gaffs in plot work when you kinda don’t think too hard about it… more or less. But wait. There’s more!

So we have seen his mom, where’s his dad? It turns out his dad is… Kenneth Ironis? Wait. Does this mean Witchblade 2001 is going on the same time as this movie? No. But we do find out via a phone call in English that JoJo’s dad is… in fact… English speaking. Maybe in America or in Europe.

Who is speaking to him. A man who likes to wear a Jo(Jo?) cap, and has been sent to get said absentee father involved in JoJo’s life again. Also he is another Stand user (like JoJo and probably that lady I call KoKo last time). His powers? Manipulation of time… and he can create a spirit Stand of… Condor from… I forgot what game. Oh well. They fight and nothing much comes of it.

As for that girl? We find out her power is space manipulation. I think. Also she seems to want to continue to toy with audience surrogate Koisei, until a guy who looks like a secondary character from YuYu Hakusho shows up… then she drops his bike and leaves.

So let’s see. We now know the Water Elemental Killer’s first kill was his own parents. We know that he has avendetta out against JoJo’s grandfather and his family for 10 years ago. And he plans to do it by killing the familhy remotely with his water powers. Creating a water parasite to kill, first up, the mom.

However guess what? JoJo’s home. And he recognizes the power of the Water Elemental from his dealings with the man who he left said man’s knife in him with his Stand powers. He saves his mom by being killed, by having the Stand savagely yank the water parasite out through her at death. Encapsulating it in a bottle. JoJo then winds back time and saves her.

And thus we learn something else about the water parasite. That, no matter how distant it is from the killer, the two are psychically linked. We know this because JoJo decides to play around with the bottle, and give the killer motion sickness by torturing his parasite with hard shaking.

As we end tonight’s review, JoJo is once again playing video games… huh? I forgot something? Oh. Right. JoJo is 17. He almost died once when he was 4, 13 years ago. Or, in other terms, 3 years before the Water Elemental was born.

So was a young 4 year old JoJo struck by the Arrow? What gave JoJo his Stand powers? And does it have to do with what happened to him when he was four? Who is his father? And why does he know so much about what is going on with the Water Elemental and Stand Users in Japan?

As we end the review, JoJo has contacted the Jo cap wearing guy, telling him that he caught one of the parasites of the Water Elemental. He’s rushing over there now. Where he will find JoJo… playing… PS2? PS1? Is this in the past or present? I still haven’t figured that out. Anyway tomorrow we will see what new things we learn about this Jo cap wearing guy, and the Water Elemental killer. (And his alliance with the Arrow bearer). See you tomorrow.

TOHO/WB/Madman JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures 2017 Movie Diamond Is Unbreakable Review Part 1

This Review Presents Powers And Abilities Even Harder To Swallow Than Johnny Royale’ Powers In POWERS 2015 SEASON 1!

So let’s go over the nuts and bolts before we dig into the movie itself. Welcome to 2017. As of this year it was the 30th Anniversary of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventures. This marks the… first? Second? Third Madman review I’ve done? Someone post in the comments below if I reviewed MadMan content before now.

Once again we have Toho to thank… or Curse if you still remember my Attack On Titan reviews from back in October, for this one. Distributor worldwide is Warner Brothers, once again. Does this all stop because of Zaslab? He’s finally fixing the DCEU with Black Adam, more Shazam, Blue Beetle and more Superman so.. maybe not? Anyway these days even Disney don’t want no more Chapeks.

FUTURE NOTE- Ok I figured it out. I had to get this from another Region so Madman in this case is the Australian Distribution company… except this is Region 2! Isn’t Australia Region 4?!? I should double check… oh wait. I don’t care. All I know is that it’s Australia and I got this outside of the US because I couldn’t get it any other way.

The movie starts with the police running down and capturing a serial killer. Someone, runs outside when the cops burst into place to grab him, and is shot by the titular arrow that grants meta powers. I think he was related to the person the killer killed. Why?

Because we next go to the police station, where they are questioning the killer. Only the interrogation is stopped when it starts to rain inside the interrogation room… or to be more precise, a newly made water elemental is breaking in. And I assume he kills both the cops and killer… before we jump ahead.

10 years later we meet the surrogate for the audience for this movie. A guy named Koisei. He’s on his way to school when he’s stopped by your standard garden variety school thugs. They want to bully him for money.

In walks JoJo. A rather chill guy… maybe on purpose because we find out later that his grandfather is a street cop that no doubt is tied to the incident 10 years earlier with the water elemental. He is ok with letting things slide… except his hair. Make fun of his hair, and it’s beatdown time.

Apparently JoJo has a… ugh… he has a HAIR TRIGGER… of course he has a hair trigger. Is that a pun or something from the series creator(s)? Anyway we now get to see his powers which are… confusing. Also how is it enemies can threaten him? He has near cosmic level powers!!

He can manipulate the very fabric of space time it seems. How? Within sections he’s delivered a horrible beat down on both of them, and makes the instigator apologize. He then turns to leave, and suddenly all their injuries are gone in an instant!

Koisei goes to thank him, but he denise everything. However since he was responsible for messing up Koisei’s bike during the fight (by accident, he accidentially knocked the main thug into the bike and broke it that way) he magically fixes it with his space time manipulating powers!

At school we meet… I think her name is Koko? I’m going to assume she’s JoJo’s sister. For some reason she already knows about Koisei, and also for some reason she’s here to give him a crash course introduction into… the world in which JoJo and her live in? With all these powers?

Well…how else do you explain her suddenly giving Koisei homework, then hovering over him watching him closely, moving her deck up to his like they’re dating! What is so important about our makeshift audience proxy that she has to integrate him into the world of JoJo? Also yes no pictures of her this time. Sorry. Next time.

After school, while leaving the school, he finds out about JoJo’s nickname of JoJo. Also KoKo promises to protect him… then goes home and tells him to make sure he doesn’t forget all the stuff he learned today from her booik… or she’ll be in big trouble with… who? Morgan Freeman God? The execs at MadMan? Zaslab from the future? Who!!

Speaking of the trip home, Koisei runs into a crisis as people are fleeing down the street, as a madman has taken a female hostage. He was one of two men who was around this water fountain before one of them were killed by… sigh.

Ten years. Ten years have passed since the Water Elemental came into existence. He’s still around, only now he’s upgraded his powers. He figured out how to create water parasites. They enter the body and attempt to control it. Either they succeed, like guy #2, or fail in which the host dies. Like guy #1.

As the police pick up the first guy’s dead body, the second guy is now holding a poor woman at knife point. Enter, once again, JoJo. JoJo, again no doubt on ourders from his grandfather (who might be retired but still likes to walk everywhere in his police uniform), tries to walk away. Again.

Only since the guy insults his hair… of course. He would have probably found a way to save the girl without the guy knowing it if he hadn’t insulted his hair. Anyway since he did that he goes up to confront him. That sets he crazy guy off, and he decides to stab the woman. He stabs her… then JoJo bends time and space madly so that he can grab the knife out of her AND slam it and his fist through the guy!

I’ll admit the effects looik a little silly, but also look nice as well. Eh. I think I’ll like the special effects that TOHO are going to muster through this movie. Neh. It’s not Black Adam cost level high end special effects, but it’s good.

Just remember. THIS IS JAPAN. So we are always talking about the most budget conscious proactively play it safe budget on effects and so on. You can get good movies like Gintama and, I guess, this, on a less than Hollywood budget. But you can’t expect Avatar or Spider-Man No Way Home on this budget. Just saying.

Suddenly the lady is ok, again his powers to turn back time. And so is the madmad… almost. JoJo decided he couldn’t take the guy’s knife, so he left it with him… no… wait… I mean he left it IN him. Its safely held trapped between his skin and orgabs resting soundly there. All he has to do is go to the police, and have the prison hospital remove it.

However he’ll never make it there. The water parasite, probably connected to the water elemental, kills him and escapes. This host no longer serving it’s purpose. As JoJo flees from the cops, leaving Koisei baffled to what he witnessed, we see that the Water Elemental is close by.

He saw what happened, and he is quite angry at JoJo’s interference. But so so is grandfather who also saw what happened. He shows up and interrupts JoJo’s gaming time to scold him out for using his powers. I guess.

But he also gets to the point. And he is maybe about to reveal what happened after the murder of the police and killer 10 eyars ago by the Water Elemental… maybe. Anyway we will get back to this, and what Grandfather is about to say about the Water Elemental tomorrow.

So… how is it so far? Camera work is solid, casting feels right and things flow nicely. It’s scripted well, and I have no overall qualms with the movie presently. Its serious but also a bit light from time to time. Not Gintama light but ok. So… I’m looking forward to getting through this movie and seeing how my final score will be. Anyway we continue tomorrow so see you then.

FUTURE NOTE – Yes. I’m keenly aware that the Water Elemental most likely is the killer from the start of the movie. Makes his whole getting powers by being killed by the arrow, then allowhing himself to be arrested and then killing cops as he breaks out a bit questionable but ok. I’ll roll with it.

Shueisha/WB Gintama LA Movie 2017 Review Finale Part 6

The Review Ends With A Satisfying Ending

Yeah. I liked it. So fair warning if you didn’t like this movie… well that’s you. I found it enjoyable and liked it. So my ending score for this movie is a 5 out of 5. Yeah it’s probably an acquired taste, and since I have not seen the Anime I am maybe not biased by comparing it to that.

With that said I still enjoyed myself throughout the movie, and want to review Gintama 2 sometime in the future. But that is something to put on my to do list for the coming months ahead. Stay tuned. Anyway let’s end this.

So the battle on the ship goes on. With the EDO police showing up with their own sub orbital ship, and the Captain of the police vanishing from the movie by stepping off his own ship wrongly… we are left with the battle to stop the renegades. Though spoilers… their benefactors weren’t exactly being honest with them to begin with.

As for Gintoki? He still needs to get up to the fight. So it turns out that, besides working alongside Char from Gundam? Our man with tech experience also has a client from another universe that makes no sense that she’d be here.

Mainly he seems to bring in Nausicaa from the Studio Ghibli-verse, and she lends Gintoki her ride to get him up to the ship. I don’t know what happens to it but it probably returns to her as… well… he doesn’t use it to leave the ship at the end of the movie.

So let’s just go through this as the ending fights are nicely done, shot and acted. Enjoyable to watch overall and entertaining to boot. Anyway the ship needs to be captured or destroyed, as it holds the vital labs needed to clone more symbiotic weapons.

Oh. Q also shows up again, but it’s not Q. It’s one of the other characters hiding in the Q costume. Though having Q open its beak and out comes a gatlin gun? Nice gag. Funny too that it isn’t the virtual reality creature but instead a character in a Q suit. Eh.

So Gintoki must fight the Butcher, and to aid him he’s given a sword which is a light blade. A sword that glows bright in the hands of Gintoki. The fight between him and the Butcher is well done, and is maybe a bit drawn out… but it’s kinda saving the final fight for the very end, so you need to go through this.

After a lot of the fight, where someone dies, the symbiotic blade and it’s host are destroyed by Gintoki and the light blade, the light blade breaking. It is then that the true architects behind this so called rebellion arises. It turns out all of this was staged by a rival alien race of the Not Terra Dominus Furs. They look like reptiles so… The Not Gorn.

And if they’re lucky the Japanese didn’t think to turn them into wannabe xenomorphs like the way Paramount and CBS did to the Gorn in Star Trek Strange New Worlds. That was… disappointing in an overall good season.

It turns out that this whole insurrection was the efforts of this rival alien race to kick the Furs off the planet, so they can step in. And they are being aided by Gintoki’s childhood friend (aka the one eyed guy who Gintoki saw in her fever dream after barely surviving his previous fight with the Butcher). They have a less drawn out fight, Gintoki and his childhood friend. Gintoki wielding the broken light sword.

He defeats his childhood friend, but in the end both sides have to withdraw. Why? Because the police ship has strangely vanished taking the secondary cast with it, and Gintoki’s childhood friend and the last survivors of the four flee on their Not Gorn starship. Leaving Gintoki to escape with Q’s human partner.

And that is that for the movie. The symbiote lab and its ship holding it is destroyed, the rebellion has been broken up… and no doubt to be nixxed once word comes out that it was all funded by a rival reptilian alien race. And we find out… ok I FIND OUT. Just me… that the lady who took care of Gintoki earlier? And has a fetish for reading DragonBall Z to sick people? She’s what’s his name’s sister. So… cute.

And that’s it. Everyone who was meant to survive survived, they sequel bait for the number 2 movie which I need to still get ahold of, and we end on a high note. No post credit scenes, whiuch is fine as this is not the kind of movie to have post credit scenes. Though it would have been nice if they made fun of the Marvel Cinematic Universe post credit scenes. Oh well.

Anyway, that was Gintama 2017. I don’t know why anyone would have harsh reviews for this movie… but then again I tend to like what others don’t, and hate what others like so… eh. For me this is a 5 outy of 5. I was thoroughly entertained from start to end. I enjoyed viewing and reviewing the movie, and I can’t wait to review Movie 2. And really… isn’t that what movies like this are for? To entertain us and give us something enjoyable to watch? It did that well.

Look, I am not saying that fans of the manga and anime are going to like this. If they have issues with this and the sequel? That’s fine. They are free to judge it as they see fit. Now I haven’t seen either the manga, nor the anime, so I don’t have the same biases as someone who did see both may have with these movies. And maybe that’s why I liked what some may not have. But… hey. If this sounds like a movie for you? Go and buy a copy. You might enjoy it.

And if you don’t want to? That’s fine. You’ll always have the Gintama Anime and Mangas to enjoy. Either way that’s my review of Gintama 2017 The Live Action Japanese Movie. Better in my opinion than Attack On Titan… because it spoke my language, and hit all the plus points that made me enjoy it. So… yeah.

Tomorrow we roll back into the monthly rotation starting with the second disc from Blade The Series. That should take a few days. After that we stop briefly to get at least a bit caught up on the 2001-2002 Live Action Witchblade series with Yancy Butler. And see what core universe canon Witchblade looks like. After that its back to the Anime version. Anyway… stay tuned.

Shueisha/WB Gintama LA Movie 2017 Review Part 5

This Review Sees All Its Pieces Falling Into Place… And It Approves!

So we are coming up to the finale! And all the pieces as to why things are happening in this movie are coming into clear view now. And… I’m happy. It’s not only a fun movie, but it makes sense to me and I like it.

That and we finally have a big pointless cameo from another series in this movie. It’s a Japanese cameo yes but… I’m still going for it. Yay. So with that out of the way let’s reveal why this plot is going on.

So why are samurai being killed for being weak? It all has to do with the sword. And it turns out the sword is a living weapon. Why? Well we find out via flashback that this was the first ever made katana using the aliens’ advanced FurTech. Basically they created a symbiote weapon. Given to a samurai, it is meant to bond with its user and make the user like a living weapon.

And then we have Gintoki reference the manga Parasyte. Of course he would. What? No reference to Venom? I know the first SONY Venom movie wouldn’t come out until a year or so after this, but they had the comics and they had an inkling a Venom movie with Tom Hardy was coming… oh well.

And yees. I heard the rumors that, once again, MARVEL Studios and Sony are planning to divorce. Again. Look. Why worry about it. If they divorce? Big deal? Thanks to Spider-Man No Way Home they already set all the gears in motion to do anyof a number of Spider-Man movies like Amazing Spider-Man 3, Sam Raimi Spider-Man 4… (this may explain why MARVEL Studios rushed to sign up Sam Raimi as one of their newest directors)… and the like.

Trust me. If they divorce? They’ll be able to continue the Spiderverse A-ok. They already rescued Michael Keaton Vulture from the movies for the Venomverse. So… we’ll see.

So yeah. That is why they were killing so called weak Samurai. I think it was basically a litmus test. Those who were deemed strong enough were probably going to be recruited, and they would have mass produced symbiote weapons for them. With that they… still couldn’t overthrow Not Terra Dominus’ forces.

Yeah. But this movie probably doesn’t have the balls to admit it’s plan requires them to scour the world, and recruit warriors from the entire planet to build up enough symbiotic warriors to fight the aliens. But we’ll see.

And that is why the killing was going on. And the perfect weapon. It was all the first of what would have been an army. If they found enough samurai who would go along with the process and all that.

As for Kagura? For a person being held captive? She’s sure being treated rather well. Being well fed… and hanging out with other women in her cell slash ramen shop. This is important because it provides gross out humor to delay her execution. Which is coming up.

So we need to rush this to the end. Though we do have lady gunslinger talking with the guy who is supervising Kagura’s captivity, and they do seem to talk about… almost as if they are kinda killing time to pad out the run time of this  movie. I hope Gintoki calls them out on it later on in the climatic confrontation.

Eventually, however, they do need to move the plot on. So they bring Kagura up to the top deck of what I thought was a Civil War class steam powered warship… only to find out it’s a steam powered fusion powered sub orbital ship with alien technology… why! Anyway it’s time to try and execute Kagura.

How do they do it? They… tie her up to a cruicifix and plan to shoot her. I guess I’ll give the movie credit. At no time did anyone reference Jesus, nor did Japanese Jesus appear suddenly. But then again maybe there are some humor boundaries too far even for the Gintama Team.

Finally what’s his name… who I keep seeing his name and I keep forgetting it. Finally he shows up to save Kagura. Which is a bit rough for him… when he realizes he’s surrounded by a ton of roninis and the gunslinger lady. He… kinda haves a nervous breakdown and starts crying like a baby when she’s about to shoot him. Then she’s about to shoot Kagura…

Huh? Where’s Gintoki. Well after getting the info we needed on the symbiotic weapon and their plans to make an army of symbiote weapon enhanced samurai, he goes to get help from someone he knows who is good with modern technology tinkering.

What role does he play in this movie? I don’t know! Maybe he gets body armor or something from him. All I know is that his scene is here to throw some big easter eggs at us. Mainly that he seems to be working on a large Gundam in him workshop… all so a guy dressed like… Char? From the first Gundam Series? Comes in to get his Gundam.

Oh. Gintoki wants an upgrade so he can end this movie easier. Which is criticized by the man, because isn’t taking the easy way out the exact opposite of the Bushido Code he learned from his Bushido For Beginners book? Also the cheeky old guy passes off a fake Guyver prop to him and convinces him that it’s a real Guyver armor thing… it’s not. But that was fun.

So what saves Kagura? Maybe it’s Gintoki, however it could also be the police. Because the enemy warship comes under attack from another ship. One from the authorities no doubt. And is forced to take off, leading to a sky battle between the newly arrived sub orbital warship and the renegade’s ship.

So we are about ready for the final confrontation of the movie. The Butcher’s symbiotic weapon has finally regrown his arm, we all know what is going on, and what’s his name is saving Kagura so… it’s time for Gintoki to somehow show up, and finish this movie. Right?

Well we will see how this movie reaches its conclusion, maybe next time, as we head to wrap up my review of Gintama 2017. See you tomorrow.

Shueisha/WB Gintama LA Movie 2017 Review Part 4

Review That Stops To Read… A Volume Of DragonBall Z?!? WHY!!

So we return to find ourselves at the Edo Police station, where all the police characters are gathering. We find out the killer that Gintoki kinda lost to? The one named The Butcher? He was one of four who led the failed insurrection by the last of the samurai to stop the alien invasion.

Yeah well… it was bound to happen. There was just no way all the samurai in Japan could defeat an army of anthro furs with high tech on their side. That and they’re Furs. Better strength, better reflexes, aren’t bothered by cold because they have fur. Stuff like that. Downsides is they shed their winter fur every spring, and don’t like having their tails stepped on.

This could have been the most serious moment of the whole movie… then you realize the chief of the EDO police is… standing around practicing his swordsmanship buck naked so… yeah. So much for that.

Long story short we go back to Kagura, and we see that she went to confront the musician who is one of the four, a guy who is just standing out there… as bait. As one of his companions, a female gunslinger, takes aim at taking down Kagura.

She ends up getting captured, as this group of four have assembled an army of robin, no doubt to try again with the whole overthrow the aliens thing… despite the fact they brought the world into the future by showing up and… well… they’re anthro furs.

Let’s see. The main commander of this team is a bit of a funny duck. He wants Kagura captured. Why? Because he’s a feminist. Aloso the movie’s ratings would have died in the box office if they killed the main female lead. Anyway that job ultimately falls to the gunslinger, as the ronin all end up getting knocked aside rather easily.

Also, before all the extra guards show up, we have Kagura flipping the fourth wall at gunslinger lady by using the oldest trick on the book on her to get her to drop her guard. Something about her clothes is having a wardrobe malfunction? Sheesh. This actress who plays Kagura knows how to swing from serious to goofy on a dime. Nice.

As for Gintoki? He’s having a memory about the guy who inspired him to learn the samurai arts… by giving him a book entitled Bushido For Beginners. Also he sees someone in his memories who I guess is probablly the guy he lost to.

He wakes up and finds himself being cared for by Japan’s craziest female. Don’t get me wrong she’s cute and all, but wow is her actress really having a ball with the emotions she gets to show off in this scene. And it looks like, as we return, she’ll be back for another scene next review.

Let’s see. She’s come armed with a giant pointy spear that she is not afraid to use on Gintoki, if he doesn’t lie still and heal. Which is bad because as of this point in the movie? Kagura is captured, the bad guys have what seems to be a giant Civil War era ironclad warship at their disposal (no match for alien tech but ok), and we are left with what’s his name and the world’s cutest giant ridable wolf puppy as the last hopes for Kagura.

His attempt to sneak onboard the ship, by striking up Japanese pop culture talk with one of the guards? Does not go well so… maybe Gintoki needs to get out of mandatory bedrest or die if she’s going to be saved.

What? She won’t let him leave presently? Ok… well then I guess we will be with her for awhile. Ok. Let’s sit back, as she picks up a copy of… DragonBall (Z). IT’s Z, she reads from a story arc with Frieza so it’s Z… and relax.

And by relax I mean enjoy ourselves because she “reads” a fight in the manga, which is her overacting sound effects to a high degree. Enjoyable. Ahh… yeah. I wish the second movie didn’t cost a bit to get but I’m still getting it to review.

And that is where we leave off for today. I know I’ve kinda played this out for a bit but that’s to give Witchblade 2001-2002 with Yancy Butler time to show up. I know we have Blade The Series up next, but I don’t think that review will take longer than a few days so… I want to dive into Witchblade The Live Action before I return to Witchblade The Anime.

So tomorrow we will see if Gintoki can get away from this lady before she starts reading the climactic battle between Goku and Frieza as Namek blows up around them… which actually would be quite fun but see you  tomorrow.