Too Stereotyped To Handle!
Ugh. Why do the Japanese have such an awkward view of Hawaii?!? You know, a ton of Japanese people call Hawaii home. Part of our rich good culture is Japanese… Why! Japan why!!
The Four head to Hawaii… Sorry… They’re going to Wacky Wacky… Oh. I get it. That’s silly for Waikiki, pronounced Wah-Key-Key. Because apparently Waikiki on Oahu is the whole of Hawaii.
Why stop there. The island is a tiny island. Even smaller than the island from Super Mario Sunshine. Also in before Super Mario Sunshine. Sigh.
The island is inhabited by dark Polynesian Mushroom… Hippies. Because EVERYBODY knows Fake Hawaiians are secretly hippies. Also we’re part of the Mushroom Kingdom? Why.
The village is a set piece from the Polynesian Cultural Center. The volcano is a standard cone shaped Volcano. Odd since Hawaii is known for its Shield/Dome shaped Volcanoes…
I’m going out on a limb here. But the guy who designed the visuals for this never left Waikiki or the Polynesian Cultural Center while researching Hawaii. Didn’t he.
The volcano is a sham anyway. An artificial construct filled with heavy duty pipes that funnels magma from beneath the surface into the volcano. Why? Dunno. This isn’t an arctic area island. If this was benevolent it has no purpose.
Bowser built it? Really? How long was he building this on Wacky Wacky? And WHY?!? To terrorize the small group of islanders in the one island?!? This plot makes no sense.
Bowser wants to kidnap Princess Toadstool/Peach. A plot he only occasionally remembers when the scripts calls for him to. He tricks the islanders into thinking he’s their Fire God. He orders them to sacrifice Peach to the volcano before sunset.
The Real Fire God… Aka the village Kahuna? He’s captured, frozen in ice in stasis… How? Bowser only brought a Fryguy and some Shyguys with him. Who froze the chief aka Fire God??
Because the villagers are dumber than advertised (because Hippie Polynesians), they do as Bowser commands. They stick the guys into a pit, and they must jump to get out.
Huh? Oh you think Luigi is going to do the jumping? After all in SMB2 he has a longer higher jump. His unique skill… Nope. Not even close. Wasted opportunity.
They race to the top of the volcano with the help of a local ostrich… Wait! That’s a rideable beast from Donkey Kong Country! Why!! Anyway by the time they arrive Peach is thrown in, and captured.
Yes. There is a stupid joke here about how the natives refuse to sacrifice Peach until it’s literally sundown. Despite Koopa NOT saying any such thing. It’s a stupid joke that just goes nowhere.
The guys end up running away from an eruption, only to discover that the statue of the God near the village is said Elder/God’s passage into the volcano. They discover the fake nature of the volcano.
Somehow Mario & Luigi completely mess up the internal magma piping, causing the magma machine to explode, and destroy the artificial volcano system within the volcano. Everyone escapes, the Chief is freed when he’s thawed out, Bowser escapes.
I’m the end the Chief/God orders a spaghetti luau in honor of the Four… Well… Ok that’s not far fetched an idea. Also it means our Japanese researcher went to the cheapest Luau he could go to.
Anyway is the next episode the moment they bring Peach & Toadstool to… Brooklyn? The episode is called Brooklyn Bound. And to date only Not Really Princess Daisy has been to Brooklyn (the live action Mario movie).
Oh well. From a frozen wasteland to Brooklyn? We will see. That’s tomorrow so, you know, see you then.
Pop Goes the Darke Raven 